The Waiting Room
Written by Donny Walford - Founder and Managing Director at behind closed doors
Are you waiting for someone or something else?
Are you waiting for that life you thought you would have or that body shape you desire?
OR waiting for someone to say ‘well done’ on a task or achieving an outcome?
Are you waiting for recognition?
OR are you waiting to be tapped on the shoulder for a promotion, pay rise or Board opportunity?
Life will truly begin and I will truly be happy if what I am waiting for eventuates.
And through all that waiting, your life and opportunities are passing you by, day by day!
In all of my years coaching and mentoring women, including executives in Behind Closed Doors, all over the country and globally, a lot of women are ‘stuck’ in the waiting room.
Let’s begin with one of the reasons why women are paid less than men. Very few women negotiate their starting salary prior to commencing a role. Men, on the other hand, would never think not to negotiate their commencement salary and certainly wouldn’t start a new role with ‘OK I will start with that salary and prove to you that I am good enough for a pay increase in 6 or 12 months time’.
Does any of this resonate with you?
Generally, women avoid asking for what they want because of being labelled pushy, aggressive or egotistical and even worse, ‘sucking up’. I call this the ‘cringe factor’. Your reluctance to speak up in meetings or to ask for what is rightfully yours is holding you back and keeping your seat warm in the waiting room.
Let’s cover two key reasons for this ‘waiting room’ attitude:
Upbringing – girls are conditioned to be ‘nice girls’ and put others’ interests ahead of their own. While you may think this is a good quality to develop, it often works as a barrier to a woman’s professional progress.
This is also attributing to unconscious bias in the workplace, and when women start internalising this bias and feel that they must not ask for more money is when they start disadvantaging themselves financially.
Although not unique to just women, women are usually the ones who think twice before speaking up in meetings or don’t speak up at all. Not speaking up means lost opportunities and limits your professional growth. It also causes lost opportunities for the business because they don’t get the benefit of hearing your ideas and the value you can add to decisions.
If I work hard and achieve, I will be tapped on the shoulder - women believe this is the way to be rewarded, recognised, promoted and given pay rises.
Men on the other hand understand the value of networking, internally and externally. They position themselves for opportunities and they are on the radar of the decision makers.
So while you are working hard and being seen by your team to be achieving, the decision makers hardly know you exist!
What we need to do is improve our confidence, believe in ourselves and back ourselves. We need to connect and establish and maintain relationships.
Speak up and ask for what we want.
Easier said than done I hear you say. Yet this is exactly what we need to do to make major changes to gender equality, gender pay gap and ensure we are not having this same conversation with our daughters and granddaughters in another 20 years’ time.
Women need to clearly understand what their personal brand is and own it! You need to profile and position yourselves for what you want. I know you suffer from the cringe factor yet “if you don’t ask, you don’t get”.
You need to invest time and energy to build your networks, connections and maintain relationships; become a competent presenter and public speaker and learn to clearly articulate your message. Presentations can be face to face and on video. Videos can then be posted to your relevant platforms.
By developing your personal brand, positioning yourself, building and maintaining your networks and being a competent presenter, you will improve your overall confidence and therefore your business and career opportunities.
Here is my challenge: Do something you are afraid of, every day. It doesn’t have to be jumping off a tall building… it can be picking up that phone to make a cold call, have a critical conversation that you have been putting off or doing something you have been procrastinating on.
Mentors and coaches can help you with all of this; you don’t have to do it on your own, yet you do have to invest the time, the effort and be prepared to invest your own money in your professional development. Not all organisations invest money in your professional development, yet they may give you time away from the office for your personal and professional growth.
Sponsors, different from mentors and coaches, can definitely help open doors for you and speak on your behalf.
The time is now to shed women-based biases, gain confidence, create opportunities for ourselves, speak up and ask for more … because we deserve it!
It’s time to get out of the waiting room.
Written by Donny Walford - Founder and Managing Director at behind closed doors